Alone With Your Guitar

You definetly have a way with words. I love the way that when you write I can see everything you tell me. I can feel what you feel, see what you see, I can actually be you.

Warrior Princess! I must say, you have a way with words ^^ I'd love to see the world through your eyes. You make everything, even things so tragic, seem so beautiful.

Even with few words to describe, you say so much. The boy with the guitar, his face being illuminated. All of your emotions can be sensed in this poem.

>< Need I say more?

-Shina ^^

Oh man well done that's really great. First of all i can't get some verses.

who's that boy??. Why is he alone?. But i also like the way you play with words to make new feelings of space and time. You can describe the guitar and it's sound so that the poem would have a more lyrical structure to it. I love the part where u say

I watch
As you play
Your worn guitar;
And you begin to sing,
Ever so quietly.
Your voice
is soft as your face;
Both usually so hard,
So stern,
So cold.
But now both are warm,
And soft,
And sad.
I feel your pain,
Because that pain
Is also mine.
Why can't we make it two
Together
Instead of two
Alone?

This part seems to be very vague in a good way that it sends tranquility in the reader's mind, as if you're talking to the reader ( i feel your pain).

Also you've a very nice choice of words.

Good luck. Byeeeeeeeee

Warrior Princess wrote:I watch
As you walk away;
Away from the crowd,
From the groups of friends
Absorbed in each other,
Not sparing you
A glance.
I know you're lonely;
I know how it feels
To be in the midst
Of a hundred people
And yet be
Alone.

I watch
As you sit down
In a chair,
In a lonely corner;
And you pick up
Your worn guitar,
Your only friend,
And begin
To play.
The melodies
Brought to life
By your hands
Float throught fragrant air,
Filling my mind
With the sound of your music.
You don't know
How long I've watched you,
From a distance,
Wishing I could help;
Wishing we could lean
On each other;
The blind leading the blind.
But you won't let me in,
Won't let me help you.

I watch
As the flickering candles
Illuminate your face
With soft, golden light.
Is that a tear in your eye?
But you won't let it fall;
You'd never be so weak.
You're not a man just yet,
But you consider yourself one.
You don't need my help--
You don't need anybody's.

I watch
As you play
Your worn guitar;
And you begin to sing,
Ever so quietly.
Your voice
is soft as your face;
Both usually so hard,
So stern,
So cold.
But now both are warm,
And soft,
And sad.
I feel your pain,
Because that pain
Is also mine.
Why can't we make it two
Together
Instead of two
Alone?

That was a great poem, I can see him. It's like I am truely there haha. I wish I had your talent.

wow that is a awesome poem!!! yeah thats all i can say i am speachless

I liked this. The line breaks were a bit arbitrary - it seemed kind of stiff in places - but you paint a vivid picture and the emotion behind the poem is clear. That said, I think the third stanza is pretty extraneous at this point; it really doesn't add anything new to the poem and veers dangerously into pointless angst (I think it's the single tear of doom, even though it's unshed XD). I'd either trim it or remove it altogether - you don't really need it.

Kudos on a nice piece.

Cheers,
~bubbles

oh my gosh, this is beautiful!! I love it!

It paints a perfect picture. I can see him just sitting there strumming aahh haha anyways, you work well with emotions too. I can feel your frustration and pain and loneliness perfectly.

You did wonderfully with punctuation which usually people don't ( and then I'm there explaining it to them hehe)
however, if you're going to use punctuation correctly in poetry, why not use correct capitalization? Though many people believe you should capitalize every line in a poem, you really don't need to.

Other than that, great job! you have awesome talent! *gold star*

-ash